Bullies

When I was in third grade, the kid who sat next to me didn't like something I said to him. As I recall, what I objected to was the fact that he had taken something out of my pencil case and failed to return it. So when we were filing back into our classroom, and while our teacher wasn't looking, he twisted my arm behind my back, wrenching my hand and breaking two fingers. I remember going to the hospital, laying my swollen hand flat on the x-ray table, the silver splints with their soft blue foam lining, and the sling I had to wear on my arm for two weeks. Kids being kids, sure. It happens all the time when you're eight.

But not when you're thirty-eight. Or at least, you'd hope. But over the course of the past two days, that very same kid who twisted my arm behind my back is trying to do the same thing, all because again, he doesn't like something I said. Only this time, it's online.

Last night I was subjected to four hours of barely literate, intimidating emails and wall posts on my Facebook page. All because a group of friends dared to call out a bully in their midst. And in the process, raise questions about the nature of the reunion that clearly were not welcome.

It got so bad that I had to cut off the conversation, as it had turned disrepectful, abusive, and more than a little threatening.

Clearly it doesn't matter what kind of education you get: a bully makes their intentions known with threats and demands, failing to engage in civil discourse and failing to recognize the fact that people have a right to their opinions and questions.

This all started because of the reunion controversy, which sadly has turned into a replay of high school. Instead of one united class, it's been cut in two. Us versus them. People are being forced to pick sides. Fights are breaking out, hearts once healed are broken, friendships once renewed are now splintered again. And blame is getting misplaced, everywhere you look.

While I am so proud of so many of my classmates for taking a stand, for calling out the bullies who have brought so much destruction and pain to this process, what I can't get over is that even twenty years later, how limited and immature these bullies have turned out to be. How angry they are that the people they once abused are now standing up for themselves. How they don't realize that no one really cares who has succeeded and who has failed, who is poor and who is rich, who realized their original dreams and who found other paths. The only real things anyone should care about are life and health and blessing. Nothing else matters.

But for some people, that same old role - that of the bully - is prevailing. For them, this reunion was a chance to show that even though their teachers had no faith in them, even though they shat on the assignments and never did the homework, that their greatest fulfillment was found in pushing people around, humiliating them and subjecting them to ridiculous cruelty, that they themselves are now successful. That they've outmaneuvered the kids who made them feel stupid.

However: they are stupid.

What they're seeing now is that the people they pushed around aren't willing to take it. That they are now able to stand up for themselves, usurping the bullies' power and status.

Nowadays, that sort of behavior isn't tolerated in schools. I don't care that we weren't safe then, from having fingers, hearts, spirits broken. It isn't going to happen now. Just like the fact that there are codes of law that protect adults, there are codes of conduct that protect children, higher standards, and above all a zero-tolerance policy for cruelty and abuse. Which is a good thing. The sooner kids can be broken of those tendencies, the better.

Because clearly, they don't go away.